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| That in His Confessions He May Do Good, He Considers Others. PREVIOUS SECTION - NEXT SECTION - HELP
Chapter IV.—That in His
Confessions He May Do Good, He Considers Others.
5. But for what fruit do they desire this? Do
they wish me happiness when they learn how near, by Thy gift, I
come unto Thee; and to pray for me, when they learn how much I am
kept back by my own weight? To such will I declare myself. For it
is no small fruit, O Lord my God, that by many thanks should be
given to Thee on our behalf,826 and that by many Thou shouldest be
entreated for us. Let the fraternal soul love that in me which Thou
teachest should be loved, and lament that in me which Thou teachest
should be lamented. Let a fraternal and not an alien soul do this,
nor that “of strange children, whose mouth speaketh vanity, and
their right hand is a right hand of falsehood,”827 but that fraternal one which, when
it approves me, rejoices for me, but when it disapproves me, is
sorry for me; because whether it approves or disapproves it loves
me. To such will I declare myself; let them breathe freely at my
good deeds, and sigh over my evil ones. My good deeds are Thy
institutions and Thy gifts, my evil ones are my delinquencies and
Thy judgments.828
828 In note 9, p. 79, we have seen how God makes
man’s sin its own punishment. Reference may also be made to
Augustin’s Con. Advers. Leg. et Proph. i. 14, where he
argues that “the punishment of a man’s disobedience is found in
himself, when he in his turn cannot get obedience even from
himself.” And again, in his De Lib. Arb. v. 18, he says,
God punishes by taking from him that which he does not use well,
“et qui recte facere cum possit noluit amittat posse cum
velit.” See also Serm. clxxi. 4, and Ep. cliii. | Let them
breathe freely at the one, and sigh over the other; and let hymns
and tears ascend into Thy sight out of the fraternal hearts—Thy
censers.829 And do Thou,
O Lord, who takest delight in the incense of Thy holy temple, have
mercy upon me according to Thy great mercy,830 “for Thy name’s sake;”831 and on no
account leaving what Thou hast begun in me, do Thou complete what
is imperfect in me.
6. This is the fruit of my confessions, not of
what I was, but of what I am, that I may confess this not before
Thee only, in a secret exultation with trembling,832 and a secret sorrow with hope, but
in the ears also of the believing sons of men,—partakers of my
joy, and sharers of my mortality, my fellow-citizens and the
companions of my pilgrimage, those who are gone before, and those
that are to follow after, and the comrades of my way. These are Thy
servants, my brethren, those whom Thou wishest to be Thy sons; my
masters, whom Thou hast commanded me to serve, if I desire to live
with and of Thee. But this Thy word were little to me did it
command in speaking, without going before in acting. This then do I
both in deed and word, this I do under Thy wings, in too great
danger, were it not that my soul, under Thy wings, is subject unto
Thee, and my weakness known unto Thee. I am a little one, but my
Father liveth for ever, and my Defender is “sufficient”833 for me. For
He is the same who begat me and who defends me; and Thou Thyself
art all my good; even Thou, the Omnipotent, who art with me, and
that before I am with Thee. To such, therefore, whom Thou
commandest me to serve will I declare, not what I was, but what I
now am, and what I still am. But neither do I judge myself.834 Thus then I
would be heard.
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