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| Chapter III. Abbot John's answer why he had left the desert. PREVIOUS SECTION - NEXT SECTION - HELP
Chapter III.
Abbot John’s answer why he had left the
desert.
The system of the
anchorites, which you are surprised at my leaving, I not only neither
reject nor refuse, but rather embrace and regard with the utmost
veneration: in which system, and after I had passed thirty years living
in a Cœnobium, I rejoice that I have also spent twenty more, so
that I can never be accused of sloth among those who tried it in a
half-hearted way. But because its purity, of which I had had some
slight experience, was sometimes soiled by the presence of anxiety
about carnal matters, it seemed better to return to the Cœnobium
to secure a readier attainment of an easier aim undertaken, and less
danger from venturing on the higher life of the humble
solitary.2107
2107 The true reading, as
given by Petschenig, appears to be the following: Et minus de
præsumptæ sublimioris professionis humilitate periculum.
It is probably on account of its difficulty that humilitate has
been altered into difficultate, as in the text of Gazet (the two
humilitate difficultate are found together in some
mss.). But the fact appears to be that
humilitas is here used for the life of an anchorite, as in
Conference XXIV. ix., where Abbot Abraham uses the expression
districtionem hujus humilitatis. The word is also used in a
similar sense in Conf. I. xx. and XI. ii. | For it is better
to seem earnest with smaller promises than careless in larger ones. And
therefore if possibly I bring forward anything somewhat arrogantly and
indeed somewhat too freely, I beg that you will not think it due to the
sin of boasting but rather to my desire for your edification; and that,
as I think that, when you ask so earnestly, nothing of the truth should
be kept back from you, you will set it down to love rather than to
boasting. For I think that some instruction may be given to you if I
lay aside my humility, and simply lay bare the whole truth about my
aim. For I trust that I shall not incur any reproach of vainglory from
you because of the freedom of my words, nor any charge of falsehood
from my conscience because of any suppression of the
truth.E.C.F. INDEX & SEARCH
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