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| As His Lungs Were Affected, He Meditates Withdrawing Himself from Public Favour.
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Chapter II.—As His Lungs Were
Affected, He Meditates Withdrawing Himself from Public
Favour.
2. And it seemed good to me, as before Thee,
not tumultuously to snatch away, but gently to withdraw the service
of my tongue from the talker’s trade; that the young, who thought
not on Thy law, nor on Thy peace, but on mendacious follies and
forensic strifes, might no longer purchase at my mouth equipments
for their vehemence. And opportunely there wanted but a few days
unto the Vacation of the Vintage;696
| 696 “In harvest and vintage time had the lawyers
their vacation. So Minutius Felix. Scholars, their Non
Terminus, as here; yea, divinity lectures and catechizings then
ceased. So Cyprian, Ep. 2. The law terms gave way also to
the great festivals of the Church. Theodosius forbade any process
to go out from fifteen days before Easter till the Sunday after.
For the four Terms, see Caroli Calvi, Capitula, Act viii. p.
90.”—W. W. | and I determined to endure them, in
order to leave in the usual way, and, being redeemed by Thee, no
more to return for sale. Our intention then was known to Thee; but
to men—excepting our own friends—was it not known. For we had
determined among ourselves not to let it get abroad to any;
although Thou hadst given to us, ascending from the valley of
tears,697
and singing
the song of degrees, “sharp arrows,” and destroying coals,
against the “deceitful tongue,”698
| 698 Ps. cxx. 3, 4, according to the Old
Ver. This passage has many difficulties we need not enter into.
The Vulgate, however, we may say, renders verse 3: “Quid detur
tibi aut quid apponatur tibi ad linguam dolosam,”—that is,
shall be given as a defence against the tongues of evil speakers.
In this way Augustin understands it, and in his commentary on this
place makes the fourth verse give the answer to the third. Thus,
“sharp arrows” he interprets to be the word of God, and
“destroying coals” those who, being converted to Him, have
become examples to the ungodly. | which in giving counsel opposes, and in showing
love consumes, as it is wont to do with its food.
3. Thou hadst penetrated our hearts with Thy
charity, and we carried Thy words fixed, as it were, in our bowels;
and the examples of Thy servant, whom of black Thou hadst made
bright, and of dead, alive, crowded in the bosom of our thoughts,
burned and consumed our heavy torpor, that we might not topple into
the abyss; and they enkindled us exceedingly, that every breath of
the deceitful tongue of the gainsayer might inflame us the more,
not extinguish us. Nevertheless, because for Thy name’s sake
which Thou hast sanctified throughout the earth, this, our vow and
purpose, might also find commenders, it looked like a vaunting of
oneself not to wait for the vacation, now so near, but to leave
beforehand a public profession, and one, too, under general
observation; so that all who looked on this act of mine, and saw
how near was the vintage-time I desired to anticipate, would talk
of me a great deal as if I were trying to appear to be a great
person. And what purpose would it serve that people should consider
and dispute about my intention, and that our good should be evil
spoken of?699
4. Furthermore, this very summer, from too
great literary labour, my lungs700
| 700 In his De Vita Beata, sec. 4, and Con.
Acad. i. 3, he also alludes to this weakness of his chest. He
was therefore led to give up his professorship, partly from this
cause, and partly from a desire to devote himself more entirely to
God’s service. See also p. 115, note. | began to be weak, and with
difficulty to draw deep breaths; showing by the pains in my chest
that they were affected, and refusing too loud or prolonged
speaking. This had at first been a trial to me, for it compelled me
almost of necessity to lay down that burden of teaching; or, if I
could be cured and become strong again, at least to leave it off
for a while. But when the full desire for leisure, that I might see
that Thou art the Lord,701
arose, and was confirmed in me, my
God, Thou knowest I even began to rejoice that I had this excuse
ready,—and that not a feigned one,—which might somewhat temper
the offence taken by those who for their sons’ good wished me
never to have the freedom of sons. Full, therefore, with such joy,
I bore it till that period of time had passed,—perhaps it was
some twenty days,—yet they were bravely borne; for the cupidity
which was wont to sustain part of this weighty business had
departed, and I had remained overwhelmed had not its place been
supplied by patience. Some of Thy servants, my brethren, may
perchance say that I sinned in this, in that having once fully, and
from my heart, entered on Thy warfare, I permitted myself to sit a
single hour in the seat of falsehood. I will not contend. But hast
not Thou, O most merciful Lord, pardoned and remitted this sin
also, with my others, so horrible and deadly, in the holy
water?
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