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| He, Now Given to Divine Things, and Yet Entangled by the Lusts of Love, Consults Simplicianus in Reference to the Renewing of His Mind.
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Chapter I.—He, Now Given to
Divine Things, and Yet Entangled by the Lusts of Love, Consults
Simplicianus in Reference to the Renewing of His Mind.
1. O My God, let me
with gratitude remember and confess unto Thee Thy mercies bestowed
upon me. Let my bones be steeped in Thy love, and let them say, Who
is like unto Thee, O Lord?588
“Thou hast loosed my bonds, I
will offer unto Thee the sacrifice of thanksgiving.”589
And how Thou
hast loosed them I will declare; and all who worship Thee when they
hear these things shall say: “Blessed be the Lord in heaven and
earth, great and wonderful is His name.” Thy words had stuck fast
into my breast, and I was hedged round about by Thee on every
side.590
Of Thy
eternal life I was now certain, although I had seen it “through a
glass darkly.”591
Yet I no
longer doubted that there was an incorruptible substance, from
which was derived all other substance; nor did I now desire to be
more certain of Thee, but more stedfast in Thee. As for my temporal
life, all things were uncertain, and my heart had to be purged from
the old leaven.592
The
“Way,”593
the Saviour
Himself, was pleasant unto me, but as yet I disliked to pass
through its straightness. And Thou didst put into my mind, and it
seemed good in my eyes, to go unto Simplicianus,594
| 594 “Simplicianus ‘became a successor of the most
blessed Ambrose, Bishop of the Church of Milan’ (Aug.
Retract. ii. 1). To him St. Augustin wrote two books, De
Diversis Quæstionibus (Op. t. vi. p. 82 sq.),
and calls him ‘father’ (ibid.), speaks of his
‘fatherly affections from his most benevolent heart, not recent
or sudden, but tried and known’ (Ep. 37), requests his
‘remarks and corrections of any books of his which might chance
to fall into his holy hands’ (ibid.) St. Ambrose mentions
his ‘having traversed the whole world, for the sake of the faith,
and of acquiring divine knowledge, and having given the whole
period of this life to holy reading, night and day: that he had an
acute mind, whereby he took in intellectual studies, and was in the
habit of proving how far the books of philosophy were gone astray
from the truth,’ Ep. 65, sec 5, p. 1052, ed. Ben. See also
Tillemont, H. E. t. 10, Art. ‘S. Simplicien.’”—E. B. P. | who appeared to me a faithful
servant of Thine, and Thy grace shone in him. I had also heard that
from his very youth he had lived most devoted to Thee. Now he had
grown into years, and by reason of so great age, passed in such
zealous following of Thy ways, he appeared to me likely to have
gained much experience; and so in truth he had. Out of which
experience I desired him to tell me (setting before him my griefs)
which would be the most fitting way for one afflicted as I was to
walk in Thy way.
2. For the Church I saw to be full, and one
went this way, and another that. But it was displeasing to me that
I led a secular life; yea, now that my passions had ceased to
excite me as of old with hopes of honour and wealth, a very
grievous burden it was to undergo so great a servitude. For,
compared with Thy sweetness, and the beauty of Thy house, which I
loved,595
those things
delighted me no longer. But still very tenaciously was I held by
the love of women; nor did the apostle forbid me to marry, although
he exhorted me to something better, especially wishing that all men
were as he himself was.596
But I, being weak, made choice of
the more agreeable place, and because of this alone was tossed up
and down in all beside, faint and languishing with withering cares,
because in other matters I was compelled, though unwilling, to
agree to a married life, to which I was given up and enthralled. I
had heard from the mouth of truth that “there be eunuchs, which
have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake;”
but, saith He, “he that is able to receive it, let him receive
it.”597
Vain,
assuredly, are all men in whom the knowledge of God is not, and who
could not, out of the good things which are seen, find out Him who
is good.598
But I was no
longer in that vanity; I had surmounted it, and by the united
testimony of Thy whole creation had found Thee, our Creator,599
| 599 See iv. sec, 18, and note, above. | and
Thy Word,
God with Thee, and together with Thee and the Holy Ghost600
| 600 “And the Holy Ghost.” These words, though in
the text of the Benedictine edition are not, as the editors point
out, found in the majority of the best
mss. | one God, by
whom Thou createdst all things. There is yet another kind of
impious men, who “when they knew God, they glorified Him not as
God, neither were thankful.”601
Into this also had I fallen; but
Thy right hand held me up,602
and bore me away, and Thou placedst
me where I might recover. For Thou hast said unto man, “Behold,
the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom;”603
and desire not to seem wise,604
because,
“Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools.”605
But I had
now found the goodly pearl,606
| 606 In his Quæst. ex. Matt. 13, likewise,
Augustin compares Christ to the pearl of great price, who is in
every way able to satisfy the cravings of man. | which, selling all that I had,607
I ought to
have bought; and I hesitated.
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