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| Chapter XXII. Virtue must never be given up for the sake of a friend. If, however, one has to bear witness against a friend, it must be done with caution. Between friends what candour is needed in opening the heart, what magnanimity in suffering, what freedom in finding fault! Friendship is the guardian of virtues, which are not to be found but in men of like character. It must be mild in rebuking and averse to seeking its own advantage; whence it happens that true friends are scarce among the rich. What is the dignity of friendship? The treachery of a friend, as it is worse, so it is also more hateful than another's, as is recognized from the example of Judas and of Job's friends.
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Chapter XXII.
Virtue must never be given up for the sake of a
friend. If, however, one has to bear witness against a friend, it
must be done with caution. Between friends what candour is needed
in opening the heart, what magnanimity in suffering, what freedom in
finding fault! Friendship is the guardian of virtues, which are
not to be found but in men of like character. It must be mild in
rebuking and averse to seeking its own advantage; whence it happens
that true friends are scarce among the rich. What is the dignity
of friendship? The treachery of a friend, as it is worse, so it
is also more hateful than another’s, as is recognized from the
example of Judas and of Job’s friends.
125. Nothing, then,
must be set before
virtue; and that it may never be set
aside by the desire for friendship, Scripture also gives us a warning
on the subject of friendship. There are, indeed various questions
raised among philosophers;755
| 755 Cic. de
Off. III. 10. | for instance
whether a man ought for the sake of a friend to plot against his
country or not, so as to serve his friend? Whether it is right to
break one’s faith, and so aid and maintain a friend’s
advantage?
126. And Scripture also says: “A
maul, and a sword, and a sharp arrow, so is a man that beareth false
witness against his friend.”756
But
note what it adds. It blames not witness given against a friend,
but false witness. For what if the cause of God or of one’s
country compels one to give witness? Ought friendship to take a
higher place than our religion, or our love for our
fellow-citizens? In these matters, however, true witness is
required so that a friend may not be assailed by the treachery of a
friend, by whose good faith he ought to be acquitted. A man,
then, ought never to please a friend who desires evil, or to plot
against one who is innocent.
127. Certainly, if it is necessary to give
witness, then, when one knows of any fault in a friend, one ought to
rebuke him secretly—if he does not listen, one must do it
openly. For rebukes are good,757
and often
better than a silent friendship. Even if a friend thinks himself
hurt, still rebuke him; and if the bitterness of the correction wounds
his mind, still rebuke him and fear not. “The wounds of a
friend are better than the kisses of flatterers.”758
Rebuke, then, thy erring friend;
forsake not an innocent one. For friendship ought to be
steadfast759
| 759 Cic. de
Amic. 19, § 67. | and to rest firm
in true affection. We ought not to change our friends in childish
fashion at some idle fancy.
128. Open thy breast to a friend that he may
be faithful to thee, and that thou mayest receive from him the delight
of thy life. “For a faithful friend is the medicine of life
and the grace of immortality.”760
Give way
to a friend as to an equal, and be not ashamed to be beforehand with
thy friend in doing kindly duties. For friendship knows nothing
of pride. So the wise man says: “Do not blush to
greet a friend.”761
Do not
desert a friend in time of need, nor forsake him nor fail him, for
friendship is the support of life. Let us then bear our burdens
as the Apostle has taught:762
for he
spoke to those whom the charity of the same one body had embraced
together. If friends in prosperity help friends, why do they not
also in times of adversity offer their support? Let us aid by
giving counsel, let us offer our best endeavours, let us sympathize
with them with all our heart.
129. If necessary, let us endure for a
friend even hardship. Often enmity has to be borne for the sake
of a friend’s innocence; oftentimes revilings, if one defends and
answers for a friend who is found fault with and accused. Do not
be afraid of such displeasure, for the voice of the just says:
“Though evil come upon me, I will endure it for a friend’s
sake.”763
In
adversity, too, a friend is proved, for in prosperity all seem to be
friends. But as in adversity patience and endurance are needed,
so in prosperity strong influence is wanted to check and confute the
arrogance of a friend who becomes overbearing.
130. How nobly Job when he was in adversity
said: “Pity me, my friends, pity me.”764
That is not a cry as it were of
misery, but rather one of blame. For when he was unjustly
reproached by his friends, he answered: “Pity me, my
friends,” that is, ye ought to show pity, but instead ye assail
and overwhelm a man with whose sufferings ye ought to show sympathy for
friendship’s sake.
131. Preserve, then, my sons, that
friendship ye have begun with your brethren, for nothing in the world
is more beautiful than that. It is indeed a comfort in this life
to have one to whom thou canst open thy heart,765
| 765 Cic. de
Amic. 6, § 22. |
with whom thou canst share confidences, and to whom thou canst entrust
the secrets of thy heart. It is a comfort to have a trusty man by
thy side, who will rejoice with thee in prosperity, sympathize in
troubles, encourage in persecution. What good friends those
Hebrew children were whom the flames of the fiery furnace did not
separate from their love of each other!766
Of them we have already
spoken. Holy David says well: “Saul and Jonathan were
lovely and pleasant, inseparable in their life, in death they were not
divided.”767
132. This is the fruit of friendship; and so
faith768
| 768 Cic. de
Off. III. 10, § 44. | may not be put aside for the sake of
friendship. He cannot be a friend to a man who has been
unfaithful to God. Friendship is the guardian of pity and the
teacher of equality, so as to make the superior equal to the inferior,
and the inferior
to
the superior.769
| 769 Cic. de
Amic. 19, § 69. | For there
can be no friendship between diverse characters,770
| 770 Cic. de
Amic. 14, § 50. | and so the good-will of either ought to be
mutually suited to the other. Let not authority be wanting to the
inferior if the matter demands it, nor humility to the superior.
Let him listen to the other as though he were of like position—an
equal, and let the other warn and reprove like a friend, not from a
desire to show off, but with a deep feeling of love.
134. Let not thy warning be harsh, nor thy
rebuke bitter,771
| 771 Cic. de
Off. I. 38, § 137. | for as friendship
ought to avoid flattery, so, too, ought it to be free from
arrogance. For what is a friend but a partner in love,772
| 772 Cic. de
Amic. 21, § 80. | to whom thou unitest and attachest thy
soul, and with whom thou blendest so as to desire from being two to
become one; to whom thou entrustest thyself as to a second self, from
whom thou fearest nothing, and from whom thou demandest nothing
dishonourable for the sake of thine own advantage. Friendship is
not meant as a source of revenue,773
| 773 Cic. de
Amic. 15, § 51. | but is
full of seemliness, full of grace. Friendship is a virtue, not a
way of making money. It is produced, not by money, but by esteem;
not by the offer of rewards, but by a mutual rivalry in doing
kindnesses.
134. Lastly, the friendships of the poor are
generally better than those of the rich,774
and often the rich are without friends, whilst the poor have
many. For true friendship cannot exist where there is lying
flattery. Many try fawningly to please the rich, but no one cares
to make pretence to a poor man. Whatsoever is stated to a poor
man is true, his friendship is free from envy.
135. What is more precious than friendship
which is shared alike by angels and by men? Wherefore the Lord
Jesus says: “Make to yourselves friends of the mammon of
unrighteousness, that they may receive you into eternal
habitations.”775
God Himself
makes us friends instead of servants, as He Himself says:
“Ye are My friends if ye do whatsoever I command
you.”776
He gave us
a pattern of friendship to follow. We are to fulfil the wish of a
friend, to unfold to him our secrets which we hold in our own hearts,
and are not to disregard his confidences. Let us show him our
heart and he will open his to us. Therefore He says:
“I have called you friends, for I have made known unto you all
things whatsoever I have heard of My Father.”777
A friend, then, if he is a true
one, hides nothing; he pours forth his soul as the Lord Jesus poured
forth the mysteries of His Father.
136. So he who does the will of God is His
friend and is honoured with this name. He who is of one mind with
Him, he too is His friend. For there is unity of mind in friends,
and no one is more hateful than the man that injures friendship.
Hence in the traitor the Lord found this the worst point on which to
condemn his treachery, namely, that he gave no sign of gratitude and
had mingled the poison of malice at the table of friendship. So
He says: “It was thou, a man of like mind, My guide and
Mine acquaintance, who ever didst take pleasant meals with
Me.”778
That
is: it could not be endured, for thou didst fall upon Him Who
granted grace to thee. “For if My enemy had reproached Me I
could have borne it,779
and I would have
hid Myself from him who hated Me.” An enemy can be avoided;
a friend cannot, if he desires to lay a plot. Let us guard
against him to whom we do not entrust our plans; we cannot guard
against him to whom we have already entrusted them. And so to
show up all the hatefulness of the sin He did not say: Thou, My
servant, My apostle; but thou, a man of like mind with Me; that
is: thou art not My but thy own betrayer, for thou didst betray a
man of like mind with thyself.
137. The Lord Himself, when He was
displeased with the three princes who had not deferred to holy Job,
wished to pardon them through their friend, so that the prayer of
friendship might win remission of sins. Therefore Job asked and
God pardoned. Friendship helped them whom arrogance had
harmed.780
138. These things I have left with you, my
children, that you may guard them in your minds—you yourselves
will prove whether they will be of any advantage. Meanwhile they
offer you a large number of examples, for almost all the examples drawn
from our forefathers, and also many a word of theirs, are included
within these three books; so that, although the language may not be
graceful, yet a succession of old-time examples set down in such small
compass may offer much instruction. E.C.F. INDEX & SEARCH
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