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| To Theoctista, Sister of the Emperor.
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Epistle V.
To Theoctista, Sister of the Emperor.
Gregory to Theoctista, &c.
With how great devotion my mind prostrates itself before
your Venerableness I cannot fully express in words; nor yet do I labour
to give utterance to it, since, even though I were silent, you read in
your heart your own sense
of
my devotion. I wonder, however, that you withdrew your
countenance, till of late bestowed on me, from this my recent
engagement in the pastoral office; wherein, under colour of episcopacy,
I have been brought back to the world; in which I am involved in such
great earthly cares as I do not at all remember having been subjected
to even in a lay state of life. For I have lost the deep joys of
my quiet, and seem to have risen outwardly while inwardly falling
down. Whence I grieve to find myself banished far from the face
of my Maker. For I used to strive daily to win my way outside the
world, outside the flesh; to drive all phantasms of the body from the
eyes of my soul, and to see incorporeally supernal joys; and not only
with my voice but in the core of my heart I used to say, My heart
hath said unto Thee, I have sought Thy face, Thy face, Lord, will I seek (Ps. xxvi. 8). Moreover desiring nothing,
fearing nothing, in this world, I seemed to myself to stand on a
certain summit of things, so that I almost believed to be fulfilled in
me what I had learnt of the Lord’s
promise through the prophet, I will lift thee up upon the high
places of the earth (Isai. lviii. 14). For he is lifted up upon
the high places of the earth who treads under foot through looking down
upon them in his mind even the very things of the present world which
seem lofty and glorious. But, having been suddenly dashed from
this summit of things by the whirlwind of this trial, I have fallen
into fears and tremors, since, even though I have no fears for myself,
I am greatly afraid for those who have been committed to me. On
every side I am tossed by the waves of business, and sunk by storms, so
that I may truly say, I am come into the depth of the sea, and the
storm hath overwhelmed me (Ps. lxviii. 31300
| 1300 In English
Bible, lxix. 2. | ). After
business I long to return to my heart; but, driven therefrom by vain
tumults of thoughts, I am unable to return. From this cause,
then, that which is within me is made to be far from me, so that I
cannot obey the prophetic voice which says, Return to your heart,
transgressors (Isai. xlvi. 8). But, pressed by foolish
thoughts, I am impelled only to exclaim, My heart hath failed me
(Ps. xxxix. 131301
). I have
loved the beauty of the contemplative life as a Rachel, barren, but
keen of sight and fair (Gen.
xxix.), who, though in
her quietude she is less fertile, yet sees the light more keenly.
But, by what judgment I know not, Leah has been coupled with me in the
night, to wit, the active life; fruitful, but tender-eyed; seeing less,
but bringing forth more. I have longed to sit at the feet of the
Lord with Mary, to take in the words of His
mouth; and lo, I am compelled to serve with Martha in external affairs,
to be careful and troubled about many things (Luke x. 39, seq.). A legion of
demons having been, as I believed, cast out of me, I wished to forget
those whom I had known, and to rest at the feet of the Saviour; and lo
it is said to me, so as to compel me against my will, Return to
thine house, and declare how great things the Lord hath done for thee (Mark v. 19). But who in the midst of so
many earthly cares may be able to preach the wondrous works of
God, it being already difficult for me even to
call them to mind? For, pressed as I am in this office of dignity
by a crowd of secular occupations, I see myself to be of those of whom
it is written, While they were being raised up thou didst cast them
down (Ps. lxxii. 181302
| 1302 In English
Bible, lxxiii. 18. | ). For
he said not, Thou didst cast them down after they had been raised up,
but while they were being raised up; because all bad men fall inwardly,
while through the support of temporal dignity they seem outwardly to
rise. Wherefore their very raising up is their fall, because,
while they rely on false glory, they are emptied of true glory.
Hence, again, he says, Consuming away as smoke shall they consume
away (Ps. xxxvi. 201303
).
For smoke in rising consumes away, and in extending itself
vanishes. And so indeed it comes to pass when present felicity
accompanies the life of a sinner, since whereby he is shewn to be
exalted, thereby it is brought about that he should cease to be.
Hence, again, it is written, My God, make
them like a wheel (Ps. lxxxii. 141304
). For
a wheel is lifted up in its hinder parts, and in its fore parts
falls. But to us the things that are behind are the goods of the
present world, which we leave behind us; but the things that are before
are those which are eternal and permanent, to which we are called, as
Paul bears witness, saying, Forgetting those things which are
behind, and reaching forth to those things which are before
(Phil. iii.
13). The sinner,
therefore, when he is advanced in the present life, is made to be as a
wheel, since, while falling in the things which are before, he is
lifted up in the things which are behind. For, when he enjoys in
this life the glory which he must leave behind, he falls from that
which comes after this life. There are indeed many who know how
so to control their outward advancement as by no means to fall inwardly
thereby. Whence it is written, God
casteth not away the mighty, seeing that He also Himself is mighty
(Job xxxvi.
5). And it is said
through Solomon,
A man of
understanding shall possess governments (Prov. i. 5). But to me these things are
difficult, since they are also exceedingly burdensome; and what the
mind has not received willingly it does not control fitly. Lo,
our most serene Lord the Emperor has ordered
an ape to be made a lion. And, indeed, in virtue of his order it
can be called a lion, but a lion it cannot be made. Wherefore his
Piety must needs himself take the blame of all my faults and
short-comings, having committed a ministry of power to a weak
agent.E.C.F. INDEX & SEARCH
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